For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3John 1:3-4
Talking to children about sex can be very uneasy and scary for most parents. Unfortunately, most parents never had the opportunity to talk about sex with their parents when they were a child. In some homes, it was taboo to ask your parents about anything related to sex.
Studies have shown that parents have the most influence over their children's understanding and making decisions about sex. Parents must be the first to provide the best source of information about sex to their children. God has given parents the responsibility to tell their children the right information about sex. The scripture says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3
Information about sex has flooded everywhere in our society. If you don't talk to them about it, they will still hear about it out there and with a high possibility that they will hear the wrong information about sex. The right information about sex is in God's word and God is the owner of children. With the help of God's word, you can be the first person or the most influential person in your child's decisions about sex. The scripture tells us that children who are taught by the Lord have rewards. "All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children." Isaiah 54:13
TALKING TO TODDLERS OR PRESCHOOL CHILDREN ABOUT SEXUALITY (1 TO 4 years)
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The question is at what age and how should we start the conversation about sex with our children? Some people say that sex talk can start as early as 2 years and others say as early as 3 years. My take on this is that sex talk should start as early as a child can understand communication. You can also Pray for God's help to recognize when your child is ready to talk about it. Ask God for the best things to say, He should prepare you and your child for the talk (James 1:5).
Although, It can never be too early to talk with your child about sex. Talking about sex, sexuality and bodies from your child's young age can help your child understand that sex and sexuality are healthy parts of life. Open and honest discussions at your child's young age can make it easier in later conversations.
Starting a sex talk with your child who is a toddler or preschool age is mostly about letting them know their body parts! Don't try to use terms or coded words when it comes to their private parts, tell them the names, and let them hear it from you mostly when you are bathing them, applying lotion on their body or dressing them up. You can even go ahead and tell them to inform you whenever someone touches the sensitive parts of their body.
TALKING TO PRETEEN CHILDREN ABOUT SEX (5 TO 9 OR 12 YEARS)
Moving forward, if your child is already above preschool age, it's never too late to start a sex talk with them. You can still start by telling them about their body parts. You can use pictures to tell them about the different parts of their body. From the familiar parts to the unfamiliar parts. Call the parts by their names and not a nickname so they don't go out themselves to search for the names. Don't be shy about it or feel awkward about it because either they have already heard about it somewhere or they will still hear about it from someone.
Secondly, Teach them to appreciate their bodies. Society keeps on changing and making people lose confidence in their bodies. Today they will tell you to put on a little weight so you could look better in your appearance while tomorrow they will tell you to reduce your weight to look better in appearance. Today is this and tomorrow is that concerning how you should look in your appearance. The Bible says, "For You formed my inward parts; "You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well." Psalms 139:13-14
Thirdly, No touching or playing with their sensitive parts like the penis or Vagina. It should not be touched by anyone and they should not also touch anyone's own.
Fourthly, Give them reasons why it's not a good idea to be touching or playing with their penis or Vagina and also why it's wrong to touch someone's own. "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which is God’s." 1Corinthians 6:19-20
Moreover, Since their body is God's temple, they should cover it and always sit well. Keeping the body clean by always taking a bath. They should also be aware that touching and playing with their penis or Vagina makes the body not pure or dirty before God.
They should know that sex is reserved by God for two married people and it should not be forced on anyone. If someone tries to force themselves on them or touch the sensitive part of their body, teach them to scream, run and make a report. It's also very important to be their friends and not just their parents.
We pray that sexual abuse is far from our children or loved ones. However, if we come across any such act, these actions must be considered immediately (Romans 12:2)
*The child must seek medical attention.
*The offender must be reported.
*Don't apportion blame to the child.
*Draw the child closer to God and yourself.
*Counselling is needed.
*Transform their minds with God's word.
*Teach them forgiveness.
*Don't recall the incident.
TALKING TO TEENAGERS ABOUT SEX (10 OR 13 TO 19 years)
Talking to teenagers about sex requires preparation especially when it's your first time as a parent discussing it with your teenage boy or girl. However, you must not also show them that you are prepared for the discussion so they can be more relaxed and take it as a normal discussion. Don't try to force everything on them in a day or within a short period. Make it a continuous process! Don't just say things anyhow, if you are judgemental, they may never trust you with their secret anymore.
At this stage of their lives, hormonal changes are going on within them and you may see different behavioural patterns in them. Make the environment as friendly as possible, you can take them out on a date, play games with them while you talk or take a walk with them while you talk.
The first question you may want to ask your teenager is what they know about sex. They must have heard about it somewhere or even taught them in school. It will help you to strike up a conversation with them. You will be surprised by what they know about sex because information about sex is being dished out to them without asking.
Let them know that there is a safe and biblical option which is Abstinence. Restraining from sex and any activities related to sex. There are enormous benefits to staying a virgin until their marriage and that is God's instruction. Let them know that virginity is not only for girls but also for boys. It's someone who has never had sex; abstinence from sex and sexual activities. Which include fingering, and kissing. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28
Even if this message is coming to you late, don't give up or give up on your teenager, Jesus can restore that child to purity. Purity is higher than virginity. Keep on using the word of God to renew the mind of the child. There is room to start afresh. Also, let them know that building intimacy with their future spouse should be more vital than occupying their minds mostly with the act!
Let them know that God attaches great importance and value to virginity. That is why He places a hymen on the Vagina which breaks at the first penetration and bleeds. God expects that bleeding to happen with your husband penetrating you because blood is a covenant and it's a way to seal the covenant of the marriage. (Hebrews 13:4)
Parents should not be scared to talk to their children about these specific things because wrong messages are going on out there. Your children trust whatever comes from you more than someone out there and the information from you can influence their decision more than any wrong information.
Secondly, Build their knowledge concerning their hormonal changes! For the female, talk to them about menstruation, that their body releases eggs and when there no sperm to fertilize them, they come out as blood. Don't tell them this is the time they can get pregnant, that's not what is about!
Tell them they may have premenstrual syndrome before their menstruation and they may begin to admire a boy or be attracted to a boy, their breast may grow at such times. Let them know that It is normal... Some don't experience it but some do. Let them know that this calls for self-control. Galatians 5:22-23)
For the boys, let them know that they will have an erection, erection means that more blood is flowing to the penis. It's not a sin and is not that they have a spiritual problem. Let them know that the boy is producing sperm while the girl is producing eggs. Let them know that Sex and Romance is a good gift from God to married people. “If a man entices a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall surely pay the bride price for her to be his wife. Exodus 22:16
Tell them to carry themselves like a great person. As we read earlier, When parents talk to their children about sex, it is said that it boosts their self-esteem. Let them know that the seed of greatness is inside of them. Let them know that they are great and should carry themselves as such. They should also care about their hygiene because at this time of hormonal changes, they may sweat more and there might be odour from their armpit.
Explain the difference between men and women to them... The woman is a nurturer of life while the man is created to give the seed. Tell your teenager not to switch the difference between genders for anything else. Tell them how unique and wonderful God made them. Regularly affirm them, don't insult your daughter and say words like she is fat and lazy. The scripture says "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvellous are Your works, Psalm 139:14
Tell them not to compare themselves with anyone. "For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." 2 Corinthians 10:12
Let them know the harmful habits they have to avoid, such as masturbation, pornography, and phone sex. Our society says you can use a condom, The Bible say abstinence, so don't try to water it down... Sex is sex, stay away until you are married. Contraceptive is called family planning for a reason and not for people who are not married. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Proverb 6:27
In unwanted pregnancy, the contraceptive can fail. Let them know that abortion is the shedding of innocent blood. "These six things the Lord hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil, A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren." Proverb 6:16-19
Let them know that God created them for a purpose. If your teenage child can get a reason for living they will not be confused in life. "And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; Ephesians 4:11-13. We all have a work called Christian service and God has sent us out there as an ambassador to live for Him.
Let them know that spending time with Jesus daily gets them to consolidate this purpose. The main way to empower your teenagers is to lead them to Christ... You want your children to make this a lifestyle, Jesus can help with that, and you don't need to be there. Help them to fall in love with Jesus. Keep telling them about it; weekly or as often as possible. The Bible says "Watch therefore, and pray always that you may be counted worthy to escape all these things that will come to pass, and to stand before the Son of Man.” Luke 21:36
Some parents are praying but not watching, while some are watching but not praying. The Bible says to watch and pray! Prayer and watching goes hand in hand. Set up boundaries, and let them know the values of your family. Check on your children while they are sleeping, check their books and Know their friends. Let them know that they are always welcome back home whenever they get it wrong, though they may face the consequences of their actions.
If you are a parent and you have not given your life to Christ, sorry to say that you can not give what you don't have. So you must give your life to Christ first and allow Jesus to help you in bringing up your children, say this prayer after me; Almighty God, I believe with all my heart that Jesus is the son of God and He is the Lord of my life. I believe He died for me and God raised Him from the dead. I believe He is alive forever. I have eternal life through Him and His name. I am born again. Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul! I am now a child of God. Amen.
Congratulations! You are now a child of God. Join a Bible-believing church near you and make your commitment to God. For more information on how you can grow as a Christian, please, get in touch with us at;
opstvictor@gmail.com
Big hug and Blessing to you!